Bold

This is a difficult post to write. It's been dwelling in my soul for a few weeks. People keep telling me that I need to keep track of my story. Being able to describe what has been going on in our lives through this fire. This fire has been life changing. Not just because we are starting over, but because it started something of a love affair between me and Jesus. Jesus who has pursued me for years and I was foolish, selfish and thought that this earth would quench my thirst. I have tried it all. Anything that would fill the void that was missing. We are made to be with our creator. He loves us so much. Not one is good enough. Not one. But still He gave. He gave us His only son. Jesus died so I can live. I have heard this my whole life, but did not understand. Until now.

 I was raised somewhat in the church. I tried to be good, I really did. I tried to behave and then it got hard, so I tried to not behave. This life that had no purpose. This life that I thought was my own. Then He grabbed me. Stirred my heart. I was obedient. I did what He asked even when I thought I would lose my husband. I thought I was going to lose what I had tried so hard to push away for a long time. I had finally stopped hating my sweet sweet husband. I had finally realized I wanted to be married to him. Then I prayed a prayer. In church I prayed a prayer for Boldness, and the Holy Spirit convicted me right down to depth of my selfish soul. I literally sat in my room at 2am and cried out to God. Why are you asking me to do this. Anything but telling him these things. He will hate me. He will never forgive me. But God knows. He knew before. He knows after. He knows always. I want to do Jesus justice. I want this post to relay what a defining moment this was in my life. This was not some "born again" say a little prayer, feel good for a few days event. THIS HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. I would welcome my house burning to the ground every day for the rest of my life if it pleased my savior.

 I want everyone to have this freedom. The freedom that letting Christ be in control of your life brings. I obeyed. I told Josh. I prayed and cried and asked forgiveness. And you know what happened? He forgave. My husband is an extraordinary man. He is a follower of Christ. He was much more a follower of Christ than me. He knows what it means to truly forgive. He always has. His best qualities are my worst. I think that is what makes us work sometimes. This might not seem like a big deal. So you had to tell your husband some stuff, so what? Here is the kicker people. He asked me exactly 1 year ago to tell him and I lied. Lied and deceived for 1 year. Let that sit with you for a moment. If the person you loved more than anything lied to you for a year and came up out of the blue, just when things were the BEST they had ever been, and wrecked it. How would you feel. Well I can tell you that it was not pretty. He was mad. But it was not the end. It was the beginning.

 I finally had found freedom. It was like everything made since to me. I wrote my Pastor a letter. I poured out my heart to my best friend. I poured my heart out to Josh. I repented to God and asked for forgiveness. I asked Him to reveal how to lead other people to Christ. I asked about what my ministry would be. All I want to do is serve God. Lead people to Christ. I'm telling you your life will change. It will be the most fun you have ever had. EVER. My house burned to the ground two weeks later. I was at work and got the phone call. I drove home in a fit of hysteria. I stood by my man and watched my house burn. Our whole lives worth of stuff gone in 3 hours. And during that time with our family standing at our side, I knew we would be ok. My pastor came over and he said to me "you prayed for boldness, you just didn't know that this is what God had planned." And that is correct. I did not know what God had planned. But He did. The aftermath has been more overwhelming and emotional than the actual event. God has shown off. (As one of my dear friends said) We have received so much love and support from more people than you would believe. Our life group came together that night. They provided pajamas and stuffed animals for my girls. They stood by our sides at the fire. They cried with us. They prayed with us. My family provided money, food, clothing, time, prayers and support. We have had complete strangers give us gift cards. We have had friends that we have not seen or talked to in years stop by the house with money and gift cards to help us. My job and my husbands job took up collections. Collections that you would NEVER believe could happen. God has really shown up. He is real every single day in our lives. He has provided us above and beyond. He is always faithful even when we are not. I just can't describe the love that we have been shown. These words don't do it justice.

 We don't know what is to come. We are praying continually for guidance. We are praying that we make this about what God wants and not what we want. We pray that we will obey even when it gets hard. I want my girls to see what it means to be a Follower of Christ. Even when it's not popular or cool. I want to share Christ with you. I want Christ to give you a peace that passes understanding, just like He has given me. Here is the verse that has been in my regular thoughts. I think it constantly.

 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control. 2Timothy 1:6-7

Please Pray

This post is God inspired and I know that God will use it as He sees fit. I know that there are people who sometimes read this that have hundreds of people who read their blogs and I am hoping that this post reaches you.

Please pray for Pam. Her story is one of inspiration and faith that I could not even imagine. She was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer when she was pregnant with her son. This was two years ago. She decided to put her whole self in God's hands and did not get chemo. She instead used natural remedies and God to combat this enemy. Her tumors shrunk and she was doing VERY good. I would use the word remission, but don't know if that was a word she used or not. She was a marathon runner and is a mommy to two small children. She is also a nurse and her husband is a nurse. A few weeks ago she started having neck pain and back pain. I don't know many details as of now about how she was diagnosed, but her cancer has now spread to many places in her body. I don't know how much information to share right now because I have not spoken to the family about posting this. I am posting for PRAYERS for this family.

Please pray that God will give them direction on which way this should go in seeking treatment. Please go to God on your knees for this woman. She is such a strong woman of God and I know would covet the prayers of many right now. I have been reading of miraculous things because of blog readers/prayer warriors. I pray that this reaches those women and men.

Summer Time!!!

 

 

 

 

Today we went swimming because it was HOT!!! Kids had a great time and mom's did too!

Beautiful

We were at Target walking down the shoe isle. I was getting very irritated with Madi because she was not paying attention or minding me. She was pulling shoes off the rack and asking to buy every flip flop they make. My breaking point came when she laid down on the floor of Target. I turned around and with a very mean voice told her she needed to "get up off that floor NOW!!" I did not realize what she was doing until after I said that. She was lying on the floor looking at herself in the mirror they have on the shoe stools. You know the ones we sit on to try on our shoes and then look at our feet in the mirror. She was smiling at herself in the mirror and her response to me was "OK Mama, but I so beautiful." What could I say to that? I started laughing the second it came out of her mouth. She was soooo precious lying on that floor. Time stopped for me at that moment. I just watched her looking at herself and was reminded just how special she is to me.

New Job

Hello. I have not been posting because I just really haven't had much to say. I really want to give an update about this new journey our family is beginning. As most of you already know, I have a new job. I feel like I have been under spiritual attack ever since I decided to make this change. I know that it is what God has called us to for this time period. I have such a peace about this, and there are still a lot of unknowns. I am going to be working four days a week in the pediatric PACU. I will be working with kids after they come out of surgery and have to "recover" before they go back to their hospital room or home after day surgery. The events surrounding me getting this job could only have been from God. Please pray for us during this transition time.

This bible verse has been put on my heart and I would like to share.

James 1:5-6
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Yee Haw....and learn how to dress!

We went to the rodeo yesterday. Maybe it's because I am a mom now, or maybe because I am studying and realizing about Gods desire for women to be modest in our dress, but either way I need to let people know that wearing short shorts or short denim skirts with boots is SOOO not attractive. That style seems to always make a big comeback at rodeo time. I get the short shorts and skirts even though I don't agree, but what up with the boots combo? I did see one girl wearing a nice cotton brown dress and a tasteful pair of boots. Much more attractive than the other ensamble that most girls had on. But you want to know what's the funniest of all things. I was one of THOSE girls not too many years ago!!

I just want to see if this works